The Biggest Revelation Yet…I have no friends...

The Biggest Revelation Yet…I have no friends

By Stephen L France

It’s a very painful epiphany to realise you have no friends.

I don’t mean this in the sense that I’m some sort of social misfit, but rather that wounds of the past have not allowed me to receive people with the love that solid friendships should exemplify (God shows us true friendship in 1 Samuel 18: 1 – 5).

This week of February 20, 2017 has been testament to just how far deception can go, because although I knew I had an inability to receive love, I didn’t KNOW it.

A friend asked me a series of questions with a revelation she’d received from God about me.

The dark truth came out.

I confessed: I actually didn’t consider anyone my friend.

I knew with unadulterated clarity that it was a very powerful lie that had been sown into my heart from all the betrayals in my Primary School days; but it had become my living truth.

I’d allowed the deception full authorisation to monitor and ‘protect’ me from further pain, contrary to the Holy Spirit's healing power.

God's Word says in Ephesians 4:31-32: Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Since I constructed my life on a foundation of these hurts mentioned in the first line, it’s no better than behaving as such.

I followed what the world instructs of us.

I took the pain and created a method by which the hurt could never reach me again. In fabricating this defence, I unwittingly shook hands with the enemy, and unknowingly blocked myself off from love, unable to receive it or give it.

My behaviour over two decades has exhibited the results of this ‘handshake’ with absolute clearness and yet, I have chosen to abide with the deception over that period, thinking it will keep me out of harm’s way.

I have erected all the necessary defence mechanisms to keep hurtful people out like the surveillance system at a covert military base. But alongside hurtful people, no one’s getting in!

  • I don’t phone close friends to see how they’re doing because I don’t really believe anyone cares for me
  • I don’t message people unless it’s with a specific purpose or task in mind
  • I don’t like hugging people very much – though I’ve become accostomed to it in the last few years
  • I constantly suspect and expect the worst of people so as not to be surprised
  • I don’t sign off any messages for family with kisses
  • I actually dislike the word ‘love.’ My mind has only ever known the opposite, provoking my resentment and jealousy of the word

Even though speaking truth and transparency comes easy to me—like telling individuals about my weaknesses, failings, flaws, and sins—the missing ingredient, is the ability to be vulnerable to people, and most importantly to God.

This absent component is fundamental to SURRENDER and HUMILITY...being vulnerable...a brutal challenge for a stone heart.

Like many people in this world, I have been broken for quite some time and now, more than ever, I’m ready for Jesus’ full healing ministry.

This week, it was both disheartening and uplifting to accept this revelation. It also appears completely impossible to change my mental state on this darkness, but the great faith we have recognises that the Lord does the impossible.

When I think of the ‘Rich Man’ and Jesus's words: “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God," [Mark 10:25], I find my situation parallels the difficulty here.

I'm not a rich man, but I can identify with how impossible it appears for me to recieve God's full blessing.

However, I'm always hopeful when I read this verse.


Because Jesus also said: "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." [Matthew 19:26]

I'm also reminded of the famous verse that is used in abundance because spiritual warfare is in the mind: Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. [Romans 12:2]

And so somehow—I don’t know how—somehow, God will allow me to embrace my identity that's been hidden under a deceptive self-defence strategy.

I will finally know what friendship and love really are.

Do you struggle with ‘being vulnerable?’


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